Realization

It is dawning on me. I am realizing. I am seeing!!

Four years ago (in January) when Elijah was born, I was such a green horn. So wet behind the ears it's not even funny. I have always loved children--since I was big enough I was carrying one around on each hip. By the time I was 13 I was babysitting a small daycare (7 kids total one summer). I've always wanted children. But I was raised with the 'a girl for me, a boy for you, and we're through' mentality. I thought if you spank a kid enough he will mind whatever you say (LOL). My Mom was a yeller, kwim? When she got to a certain pitch, you knew to find refuge. Things might start flying through the air (lol again). Nah--that happened only once that I can remember.

My Mom went to work when I was 2. I can vividly remember standing in the doorway, looking out the glass of the front door of my babysitter's home, my heart breaking as I watched my Mom drive away. I vowed at a young age that I would stay home with my kids (although I totally understand that some people have no choice but to work).

When Elijah was born, I was fresh out of college and working my first job, trying to pay off student loans. He had a great babysitter--an older lady in our church who was a retired nurse. And even though I knew he was in good hands, it literally broke my heart to leave him every day. I would cry when I left him, and I would cry when I picked him up, knowing that I was missing all the milestones and cute things, only getting reports of them second hand. I wanted to be the one to see his first step and hear his first word. It just killed me. So from there the desire to quit work and stay home grew.

God worked it out, miraculously, for me to stay at home (it's a long story). I don't stay at home because my husband makes scads of money and I don't "have" to work. I stay at home because it is my calling. We sacrifice a lot so that I can be here every day doing what I do. But God always provides, and we have everything we need.

In the last year or so, I have learned SO much through reading other women's blogs (see my blog list). I am learning the value of living more naturally, the technique of training my children's attitudes and behaviors (so much more to learn there), how to be a wife (Created To Be His Helpmeet--if you haven't read it, READ IT!!)--not a better wife, but a WIFE. What God intends for a wife to be. PERIOD. I've learned how to be organized and manage my home and my housekeeping (www.myblessedhome.blogspot.com). And most importantly, I've learned that I am right where God wants me to be. That what I do every day is beautiful in his eyes. No matter what society says, or what the worldly, feminist crowd may say or think. I am serving Him with every dirty diaper I change, with every dish I wash and basket of laundry I fold. He gives me joy and fulfillment that I never came close to having on the job.

This is my thankful for today. Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to be able to fulfill your will for me to be a stay at home Mom. Please keep teaching me what I need to know to please you and care for my family.

Amen.