Thursday, July 12, 2012

To Trust or Not To Trust

Phillipians 4:6 
 Be careful {anxious} for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

{Warning: Sermon Ahead}

Worry, worry, worry. It worms its way into your consciousness, takes over your thoughts, and before you know it, it's running your life. You give worry an inch, and it takes 5 miles. It affects every part of your life, and spills over onto the people around you: namely, your husband and children (or anyone else you come into direct contact with on a daily basis). How do I know? Because for the last month or two, I've been a bon-a-fide Worry Wart. 

I've fretted, I've cried, I've stewed. Because, see, we are about to make this life-changing move, and I wanted everything to happen just like I thought it should. Give me a straight line from point A to point Z,  and let's get this thing done. Things are rolling, A - B, OK, that worked out great, but somewhere between C - D, we began to encounter some bumps in the road. Well, maybe more like road blocks than bumps. Or, maybe more like that detour you took once when you had NO idea where you were or when you were going to end up back on the familiar road you left hours ago. Yeah, I think that describes it. 

The root of worry  is lack of trust. The reason we are making this move in the first place is because God said, "Go here." So, we waited on Him to open up the door, and then stepped out in faith. So, basically, He is calling the shots. He is in the driver's seat. We're trusting Him to make the way clear.

Sometimes, the kids and I hop in the van and of course, they always want to know where we are going, why, and how long is it going to take for us to get there. Once these facts have been established in their brain, these kiddos have rock-solid faith that that is just exactly what is going to happen. We are going to Wal-Mart to get some milk and bread and coming right back home.  So when Mama sees a Garage Sale sign and turns down a side road, you can except an uproar of, "Why are we going this way? This is not the right way to Wal-Mart!" or "Are you sure you know where you're going, Mom?" and on and on until I say, "Just sit back and relax. Don't worry about it. I know where I am going and I am going to get you to where you need to be, eventually."

We adults, we are a lot like my kids. God is the driver, and we are trusting Him to get us where we need/want to be. Sometimes, he takes a different route and we get confused, anxious, and doubtful about where we are going to end up.  I definitely never dreamed our move would result in my family living in a travel trailer instead of a nice little rent house somewhere. Not that I am complaining--I'd rather live in a clean travel trailer that is my own than in some of the awful houses that were available to us while we were looking (ugh). This is way God has worked it out for us. But in between looking at old, nasty, over-priced rent houses (you'd be shocked) and settling on the decision to buy a travel trailer, I was acting just like my kids.  I can imagine the Lord listening to my whining and going, "Would you just relax? I am your Father. You are my child. I am going to take care of you. Just wait and see. TRUST ME." 

One morning during my Bible reading, I came across this verse, and it forced me to ask myself some hard questions:
  • "Be careful {anxious} for nothing;...." Nothing, Lord? You mean you've got every detail under control? But if I give You control, that means I have no control! Augh!
  •  "...but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God."  Have I been been bringing my needs to You, and asking You to meet them, or have I been trying to figure it out on my own? And thankful? How can I be thankful when I am complaining every breath? 
  • "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Peace? Yes, yes! Let's make a trade. I'm giving up this worry in exchange for PEACE.
So now I have un-wrung my hands, the knots have left my belly, and the furrow  has left my brow. It is going to be OK. And it was going to be the entire time. What did all the worry accomplish? Nothing, but a whole lot of unnecessary tension and headaches. If you're on a road of uncertainty, and you've given Him the wheel, sit back, and enjoy the ride. He is going to get you to the right destination, in His own time and His own way.  

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Wrapping Up 12 Weeks

Yesterday (Friday) marked the end of my 12th week! The first trimester is almost gone! I'm gonna be honest, it was rough! I don't remember feeling so bad with my first three. Maybe it's because I didn't have 3 children and all that they entail to take care of, or maybe it's because I was 4 years younger. But, I am happy to report that each week is getting better. The ever-present nausea is subsiding, and I'm down to one nap a day instead of two. My family is so thankful! I have been one cranky Mama (ashamedly). I didn't even like myself!

The kids are SO excited about the baby and are always talking about names and monitoring my nutrition to make sure I am eating healthy for the baby. At mealtime, I can expect to get a suspicious, "Mama, is that healthy for the baby?" from one of them before we leave the table. So, I make sure to have at least one good-for-you item on my plate! They keep me accountable :).

On Wednesday (the 4th of July), we were returning from spending the day with my father-in-law and step mom-in-law when a girl pulled out in front of us and caused us to have a T-bone collision. We hit her on my side (passenger) and although everything seemed fine, the paramedics advised that I go in for an ultrasound for precautionary reasons. I was having some pain across my abdomen, which I believe was caused from the seat belt, but my husband was worried sick and insisted we go to the ER. They ordered a vaginal ultrasound, and as you can imagine, I was overjoyed at the prospect (sarcasm, anyone?). The technician was on-call and was evidently not pleased to be called into the ER on the evening of her 4th of July holiday. She was very curt and rude, not the sort of attitude you want to see in a person who is about to perform THAT kind of procedure on you.  I'd had one before, and it was pretty quick, although not quite painless. But oh, boy, this time, it was neither of the above. At one point, I was so uncomfortable and asked her was she almost done. Her reply: "What do you think this is, McDonald's? Do you want to have this done at McDonald's or a hospital?" I'm still not quite sure what McDonald's had to do with anything, but I think Ronald would have been a lot more pleasant to deal with at that moment.

Although the screened was turned away from me, John saw two little feet moving  and said it looked like he/she was sucking its thumb. I think at this point their hands are always up by their mouth, so hopefully that is the case and we will not have a 3rd thumbsucker!

We are once again camera-less, so no 12 weeks Mama/Baby pics :(. Hope to remedy that soon! But, while looking through my files this week, I came across this one of when I was about 8 months along with Emma. I love this pic! I can't believe how little my babies were and how much they have grown!