Wow. It's Sunday. The weekend is over already. Tomorrow will be day 8/10 of revival. I wish I could describe to you the enormous size of my laundry pile. Huge, gigantic, monstrous....get the picture? I don't think my hubby even has clean undies for work tomorrow (gross!). Two sets of clothes per day x 4 people x 8 days = A LOT OF LAUNDRY. We have all worn repeats, of course, and probably will yet, but it is a challenge to keep up.
The laundry is monumental, but so have been the services. Some of the most convicting services I have ever been in. One night, conviction was so strong that there was an atmosphere of complete stillness and reverence. So still that 15-20 kids (5 and under) did not make a sound. Not a peep. Our kids sat quietly and played and did not cry when corrected. No piano was playing, no one was singing. But people were weeping and groaning in prayer. God has done a great work in my heart this week. He has pointed out things in the deepest recesses of my soul and said it has to go. And I am so glad. Woe is the day that God no longer deals with me, no longer takes my carefully set mold and crushes it and makes it all over again.
I have been thinking about how people are so scared to go to a Holiness church because they are afraid they are going to hear somebody preach against something "outward" or some "standard" that they don't believe is wrong. It is interesting that in the last 5 1/2 years that I have been attending a "mainstream" Holiness church, I can count on one hand how many times I have heard something like this preached about. The emphasis has always been more on the state of the heart. You can have it all right on the outside and still be rotten in your heart and go straight to hell. A bad attitude, a critical spirit, a gossiping tongue, a lukewarm experience, a hap-hazard prayer life, these are the sins most warned against. The absence of these is true holiness, without which no man shall see God. I think the devil magnifies the outward appearance of "holiness" people and makes it seem like a ball and chain, when we do not believe that it saves us, but it we adhere to it because we are saved. The outward part is the easiest part to master, but the inward things, the matters of the heart, are the things that are the hardest to give up.
This week, God has dealt with me about several things, but mainly about my defensive spirit. It seems I am always wanting to retaliate at my husband for things he often says in jest or innocence. I often interpret them wrong and come back with a sharp retort. I can look back on ways I have handled conflict with others and I am ashamed. Where is the gentle spirit of Christ? The love your neighbor as yourself and turn the other cheek? Our responses to conflict reveal our true commitment and conformity to His nature and I am afraid I have gotten a big, fat "F"! Oh, how I want to change! I come from a family who are proud of their outspoken and independent natures. But I am so ashamed of it! I want it gone.
As I look at the large pile of laundry, it doesn't look so bad because I can wash, fold, and put away with a lighter heart and a renewed spirit.